Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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