i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
