She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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