he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
