Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
