Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We have started to decorate penises.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
