Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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