come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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