My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
