If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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