i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
