Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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