so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
