Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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