she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
