Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
