At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
