There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
