my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
