hell yes lets make some ravioli
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
