legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
