I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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