dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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