I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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