Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
