On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
