I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
