Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
