Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
