So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
