I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
