i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
