Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
