And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
