The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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