He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
try to milk me bitch
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