Screwed.edu
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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