apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
