Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
