Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
