Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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