You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
