he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
