Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
