Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
