sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
