i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
