dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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