I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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