my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
