Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
