If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
