when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
