Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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